What If     Phantoms Tragedy
by sagey
Summary: What if the ep Phantoms ended very different. Warning..Tragedy...
1. Chapter 1

What If... Phantoms Tragedy.

Character...Teyla

Warning. Character deaths

Disclaimer...I own nothing Stargate related.

They had been back on Atlantis two days and she had spent them in the infirmary. Carson had only released her today on condition, she go straight to her room and rest. Well she was going to her room, but not to rest. She needed to find John. She needed a proper wash and then John. Her heart was so heavy in her chest. After the events on the planet she did not know how they were going to recover.

She knew better then most that it took only seconds for lives to change. For death to claim loved ones! To be the one left behind when others were lost! The four members of her team had gone through the gate but only two had come home. She felt the tears fall down her cheeks. She did not bother to wipe them away. Her soul wept for the loss of her friends. Her soul cried out in pain for her remaining team mate. It took all her efforts to put one foot in front of the other, just to make it to her room.

She just wanted to stop. To stop everything! To go back and stop John! She should have done more. She had been the only one not affected by the organic machine. The only one in the right frame of mind to stop the tragedy from happening! But she had failed and Rodney and Ronon were dead because of that failure. But she also knew that the pain and guilt she was feeling was nothing compared to how John must be feeling.

He had not come to see her at all while she had been in the infirmary. Carson had told her that he was not seeing anyone. That John had locked himself in his room and told, no, shouted for everyone to leave him alone. She wanted to give him space but she knew he needed her just as she needed him. The only way to get through this, was together. She was praying to the Ancestors that she would find the right words to help John heal. But she did not know that any words could take away the knowledge that it had been John's hands that had held the gun and pulled the trigger that had ended first Ronon's and then Rodney's, lives.

She did not blame John, no-one but John blamed John. That was the man he was and she had to put aside her own guilt and help him. In the back of her mind she wondered what would happen if she failed to help John see the truth.

Reaching her room she entered and went toward the bathroom. The sun was shining through the window and its light was reflecting off something on her bed. She bent to pick up the objects, confused. Her mind tried to understand what they were doing here in her room when she had never seen John remove them from his person. What did it mean? Why would John...No, no, her heart cried out. No John, please no.

She ran from her room and down the corridor to John's room all the while praying for a miracle. Praying to get to John before...no she could not even put words to such an idea. Her heart was breaking.

She ran as fast as she could, hoping against hope to get to John in time. As she went to engage the opening of his door a shocking noise made her collapse to the floor. The gun shot was over in seconds but the loud screaming did not stop. She did not realize that the sound was coming from her own mouth. Over and over she cried his name as she held tightly to the dog tags still clutched in her hand.

the end or is it...


	2. Chapter 2

Well I couldn't leave it like that so here is the next part. Still talking about tragedy. But this is from Elizabeth's point of view.

sorry it is over 500 words.

Consequences

She was on her way to see Teyla,hoping to give comfort, and receive comfort. The last two days had been agonizing. She knew when she brought them all here there would be death, heartache, but not like this. Never like this. She was still trying to wrap her mind around it all. And if she felt like this when she hadn't even been there then what must Teyla and especially John, be feeling.

She had spent time with Teyla both days but John was not receiving callers. None at all! That was one of the reasons for this visit to Teyla. Trying to work out what to do about John! How they could help him. But how can you tell someone it wasn't their fault when it was their finger that pulled the trigger that ended with two of their best friends dead. How do we get John to not feel devastated at having killed both Rodney and Ronon. She felt devastated. John was destroyed, yes, a good word to describe him. What could she, anyone, say to make this better.

The circumstances didn't matter, all he knew, was that he couldn't stop himself from killing his best friends. She thought it was a miracle he hadn't hurt Teyla. She didn't think he would have been able to live with that.

Nearly to Teyla's door she is shocked to see Teyla running down the hallway toward John's room. Hearing Teyla call his name, she assumed she was heading to John. In a panic herself, she followed, though Teyla didn't even realize she was there. Then so many things happened at once. She was coming around the corner and had a complete view of John's door, Teyla went to open said door, a gunshot was heard and Teyla collapsed at the door screaming John's name over and over. It was nearly too much too take in. And even though only seconds had passed it felt like forever.

Her mind tried to process all that she saw and heard. Upper most in her mind was the gunshot. What, where, who, why? Then the most logical conclusion was reached and she wanted to join Teyla. John had killed himself, not able to cope with what had happened. She fell back against the wall, her hand at her mouth trying to hold the sobs in. This could not be happening. John could not be dead and by his own hand. He was stronger than that. Wasn't he? But who can say what is going to be too much for any individual.

She knew John held honour and loyalty and protecting his men above all else. He lived by the motto, never leave anyone behind. Hadn't they nearly had their first falling out over just that? And with that thought her mind was flooded with memories; meeting John the first time, and then everything to right now!

It was all too much. With tears falling down her face she knows she needs to go to Teyla, to help. But what in the world can anyone do to make this okay. It was not okay. She tried to pull herself together. How could they do this without John, any of this? Face awash with tears, she moves forward. Then she sees his door open, and in mere seconds he is on the floor holding Teyla. This time she does not just fall back against the wall, she slips to the floor.

The end


	3. Chapter 3

Epilog..part 1

couldn't resist..and I am going to have to break it into two parts.

Five years later..

He could hardly believe five years had passed since that fateful day. A day he still had nightmares about. But they had become fewer and fewer as the years went by. Losing Rodney and Ronon and being the cause of it had led him to nearly committing the single most stupid act of his life. He can remember it as if it was yesterday.

Coming back with his best friends in body bags, Teyla injured and in need of medical assistance, and himself just numb with grief! When he had realized what he had done, he had just shut down. When they had returned to Atlantis he confined himself to his quarters, lay on the bed and stared sightlessly at the ceiling. In all the confusion no-one had known he had kept his gun with him. Two days passed while he saw nobody, accept to ask Carson if Teyla was alright. He could barely live with the fact that he had killed his best friends but if he had hurt Teyla, killed her, he would have wanted someone to shoot him.

As it was he had stayed on his bed with his gun in his hand for two days. Thinking back now he can't believe he was going to take the cowardly way out. End his life so he wouldn't have to think about what he had done, even if technically it wasn't his fault. It had felt like his fault and somewhere in those two days he had convinced himself that everyone would be better off without him.

He would not let himself think of Teyla. Leaving her behind to deal with it all was so wrong for so many reasons but his grief and guilt had blinded him to that fact. His only conscious act was to take off his dog tags and leave them in her room. Carson had come to his door and yelled through it that Teyla was being released very soon. So he had got off the bed and went to her room. He doesn't even really remember walking back to his own room.

His hands start to sweat and a shiver passes over his body as he recalls the moment he picked up his gun and positioned it for a kill shot. He remembers the tears running down his face, murmuring over and over "I'm sorry, I'm sorry." He remembers thinking that everyone was right. All those that said he wouldn't amount to anything and that his life was a screw up. He remembered every person he had killed, or saw killed, every buddy he lost over the years. It had felt like a dark shadow had fallen over him and he couldn't find his way out. Then he was ready. He was going to do it. His hand had tightened on the gun and then...

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Epilog part 2

...and then he heard it, or them? He still doesn't know wether he was so far gone he just imagined it or if it was real. At the time it felt real. In his mind he heard Teyla scream his name. "No, No,John." That is what he heard. And then two other voices, very familiar voices, dearly loved voices. Rodney, Ronon, telling him it was going to be okay. Telling him there was nothing to forgive. But if he did something as stupid as this they were going to kick his ass until he came to his senses. He smiles when he remembers the voice saying that he still had Wraithe to kill. That was Ronon. Kill them all for me he said. And McKay telling him he needed me to keep going, to unlock all the secrets of Atlantis.

He swears he felt hands on his hands, pushing the gun down. Then he chuckles when he remembers being so startled, that for the first time ever, he accidently shot off his gun and nearly shot his toe off in the process. But mindful that he was just going to take his own life he reckons he got away very lightly.

Then he had heard Teyla screaming his name over and over and this time he knew it was real. Forgetting about everything but the pain he could hear in her voice he rushed to the door and opening it he saw her, crumpled on the floor, sobbing his name. In seconds he was down there holding her in his arms. Sobbing along with her they finally let their grief overtake them. And as he held her he knew that he would never let her go. She and Rodney and Ronon had once again saved him. His family had saved him.

Arms sliding around his waist from behind bring him back to the present. He holds her arms tightly to him and says. "Is it time to go."

"Yes, my love. Everyone is waiting. We just have to collect Ronon and Rodney... it is still funny saying that." She tells him.

He turns so that he is now holding her within the circle of his arms. "Don't worry about it Teyla, I am sure I can think of some good nicknames to call them...Ouch.." John rubs his ribs where his wife just pinched him, hard enough to sting.

"You will not be calling them those silly names John Sheppard." She scolds as she leads him off.

Sometime later at the naming ceremony.

Standing at the edge of the encampment two figures are once again arguing though no-one can see or hear them.

"I told you we were going to be late. You just had to go see that battle didn't you." says a disgruntled McKay.

"We were not late. We arrived in time to hear our namesakes partaking of the ceremony. Just shut up McKay so we can enjoy the rest of the evening. I just want to keep an eye on them all. Look at the twins, they seem to be smiling at us." And Ronon claps a hand on his friends shoulder.

"Well isn't that what we have been doing the past five years, looking out for them. Didn't we save Sheppard that night and then give a helping hand now and then. We have been through it all with them and don't think I didn't see you peeking when the twins were conceived..Ewww..I had to drag you away that night." With a look of disgust that is totally McKay.

"Yeah I remember, you dragged me away after you had a peek." Ronon laughs.

"Did not, and anyway I have been too busy making sure the other Ancients don't know what we have been up too."

"I know Rodney, you did good. Wish we could still drink though cause these Athosians sure know how to celebrate. Are you sure the twins can't see us cause it sure looks like they can." And both men look at the boys who are smiling right at them.

"Well, well, maybe they can for some reason. Well let's go over there. We might not be able to talk to the others but we can maybe interact with the kids and give Sheppard a scare at the same time." and this time Rodney smiles.

"Just what I was thinking. Being dead doesn't have to be all bad." Ronon replies and they make their way to their family.

The end...well I didn't like that I killed them off so I made myself a little less sad by having them ascend..Hope you all enjoyed it..

hugs


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